My foe.

It feeds on sleeplessness
It's the dark side that
--is unlocked far too often
A formidable foe through and through

Much like a heroin addict
--painting the future
My mind paints irrationality
And sometimes I can't seem to escape

Running for my life:
Across a landscape of foolishness.
I am under constant observation,
From which there is no nook or cranny.

Alas! I must surrender:
It has seen through every contingency.
But—Losing is not an option
…And it knows that…

For honor and dignity!
I must charge onward bravely.
A righteous sacrifice,
--For the common good.

And finally the deed is done:
Everyone wins!
Well—Except for me of course.
Justice has been delivered regardless.

But wait—What is this?
I startle awake to realize
I just have slumbered,
--Off to sleep.

And now I comprehend:
The cycle is never-ending.
I cannot win.
Will I ever be free from this?

Dedication before Mortification

I want to help!
--Really I do.
What’s your problem?
‘Non-existent’ you say.
‘Mmhmm’ I say.
--In my oh so sarcastic tone

Why won’t you let me in?

I won’t understand?

--So make me!

Just talk to me,

--Tell me everything.

I’m so tired of this cynicalism.

I’m always listening

--So please just give me something to hear!

Do you know my Jesus?

He can solve any problem.

And with His help,

--I can solve yours.

Oh you’ve got problems?

--But you won’t tell me?

I’m so sick of this circle you’re leading me in!

Just toughen up!

You’re not the only one.

Everyone’s got a closet full of skeletons.

These teary eyes,
Scrambled mind and shattered heart
--Have seen and felt more than they can stand.
You’ve got problems?
YOU’VE GOT PROBLEMS???
Try looking at the world around you.

There’s people everywhere,

The Jock that used to be your best friend,

--But sold you out when you weren’t athletic enough anymore.

The Prep that only talks to you when they need a favor.

And of course there’s the Religious One.

--The only person who’s genuinely nice to you.

There’s a common theme,

--Within those three people.

To you they have it all:

--Athleticism, Popularity, and God.

But! Quietly behind the scenes,

They become someone different.

To the Jock, the MVP:
This person went on to flunk out of college.
--Became homeless and poor.
How did the athleticism reward this person?
Because in the end,
--Starvation won the championship.

Hey you! Yeah, Mr. Popular:
Where did your Hollister jeans and track jackets get you?
The frat house, eh?
Well how’s it feel,
--Looking through the drunkenness, knowing:
You killed that family in the mini-van.

And finally that Religious Kid,

--Who had it made with God.

Or at least that’s how it appeared to everyone.

Except the cops who had to pull the pistol,

--From those lifeless hands;

Just after hearing the cry ‘Why have You forsaken me?’

So may I reiterate:

People are not who they appear to be.

You’ve got problems,

--And so does the rest of the world.

I want to help you,

--But I think I know why I cannot.

You see, I want to solve your problems,

--Save your life.

But I’ve come to the conclusion,

--That before I can help anyone else

I simply must:

Help myself.

Extra! Extra! Read all about it.

Hmmm... So.

Think. Think. Think.

Oh yes! I'm working on a new puzzle blog. So, be checking in on that. This one should be interesting so you better start warming up those thinking caps!

I heart this song.
It's been in my head lately... These lyrics were written by Matthew Theissen, lead singer for Relient K. Read and enjoy...

"Let It All Out"

Let it all out
get it all out
rip it out remove it
don't be alarmed
when the wound begins to bleed

cause we're so scared to find out
what this life's all about
so scared we're going to lose it
not knowing all along
that's exactly what we need

and today I will trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
but tomorrow, upon hearing what I did
I will stare at you in disbelief
oh, inconsistent me
crying out for consistency

and you said I know that this will hurt
but if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear

Rememberthe end will justify the pain it took to get us there

and I'll let it be known
at times I have shown
signs of all my weakness
but somewhere in me
there is strength

and you promise me
that you believe
in time I will defeat this
cause somewhere in me
there is strength

and today I will trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
and I'll try my best to just forget
that that man isn't me
reach out to me

make my heart brand new
every beat will be for you
for you

and I know you know
you touched my life
when you touched my heavy heart and made it light

Happy [belated] Birthday!

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to You!
Happy Birthday dear, JESUS...
HAPPY
BIRTHDAY
TO
YOU!!!


I just wanted to do that even though I'm thirty minutes late. We base everything about Christmas on this fat man in a red clothes, stories that are WAY not-true, and presents. Why can't we just focus on the thing that Christmas is really all about? Jesus, God's own son, came down from heaven to suffer through this stupid world just for--that's right--me.
Ok. I want to break up that sentense and focus on individual points now...

Jesus, God's own son,:
Very plainly stated Jesus is God's son. Jesus has always been, and will continue to always be.

came down from heaven:
Hmmm... Have any of you ever thought of what heaven is like? Yes, I often see it as a massive room full of HDTV's and XBOX 360's with everyone playing video games, but what is it really? Well for starters, it's perfect. There's no pain or suffering; there's nothing negative about it! It is truly amazing to think that Jesus gave up perfect for--well for lack of a better word--this crap-hole we call Earth.

to suffer through this stupid world:
I already hit on this a little. Our world is not a very happy place. Yes, I'm typing this blog from the comfort of my room, on a very nice laptop. But our homes and lives and countries are consumed in sin. There's no peace; violence and terrorism runs rampant. Christ came down and bore all that just to save us in the end. Truly incomprehensible.

just for--that's right--me.:
Ok, he did come for you guys too... Just I find it INSANELY insane that he would go through everything just to give ME the gift of salvation. I mean, how is it that I DESERVE that?! How do any of us deserve that. Well... We don't. Grace and mercy is Jesus's middle names. If it weren't for the fact that He is so merciful... Well we'd all be screwed.

Just so I don't have to end the blog with the word 'screwed' I'm adding another paragraph... Please think about what I wrote here. Seriously. Do it. Jesus is the reason for the season. He is what it's all about not fat-man squeezing down my non-existant fireplace to deliver me presents.

Matty T. without you I know not where I’d be!

As you all well know I love Relient K. And as many of you know, you can find a song to go along with any kind of situation you encounter. I love blogging and it helps me release a lot of what I keep hidden away from the world.
Right now I feel as though I'm living out of my 'confusion' blog. A lot of thoughts are jumbled across my head. And even though I try to scramble about and salvage what I can, all I get are bits and pieces. A couple key words flash through my head: Petty, Foolish, Trust, Friendship, Stupidity, Girls (complete with the eye roll), and James Bond (<---where that came from I do not know). And for the record: Those words are not directed at any one person. And now to the point:These lyrics written by Matthew Theissen play testament to how I feel currently. Read poetically and enjoy! Friends to the End

you'll go righti'll go left
sometimes we dont agree
but thats okcuz in the end
we're still brothers
you and me

we'll go to steak-and-shake
sometimes cuz we hang out every night
and we do the same old thing
sometimes we fool around too much
cuz we are a frisky bunch
we get in trouble every day

hey, hey, (hey) ho (ho)
straight through the heart
im there for you
and i know you're there for me
give me a high five
hey, hey, ho, ho
friends till the end
cant you see thats the way
its gotta be

you're the money and the bomb
but i talk about your mom
even though it isnt right
go to mikeys play some games
stay up till the break of day
maybe get into a fight

hey, (hey) ho (ho)
straight through the heart
im there for you
and i know you're there for me
give me a high five
hey, hey, ho, ho
friends till the end
cant you see thats the way
its gotta be

even though we're hittin 20
and we havent yet matured
ya know i think its kinda funny
that we're all a bunch of nerds
go!

i love yall!
i always have!

even though we're hittin 20
and we havent yet matured
ya know i think its kinda funny
that we're all a bunch of nerds

hey, (hey) ho (ho)
straight through the heart
im there for you
and i know you're there for me
give me a high five
hey, hey, ho, ho
friends till the end
cant you see thats the way
its gotta be

well cant you see
thats the way its gotta be
well cant you see
God has destined us to..be

confusion: Or uTter LAcK thereOf.

"I'm sorry, what did you say your name was?"
"Oh! Yes, that's it. I'm terribly sorry..."

"Mr. Enslin! How long's it been? Just two years? Really?"
"How's the next book coming along?"

Our concentration it contains a deadly flaw
our conversations change from words to blah, blah blah

My finger points. At whom or what I do not know.
My mind often wonders to things out of control...
What is going on?Insanity? ... I think not!

we took prescription drugs but look how much good that didwell I think I had a point, but I just got distracted

I laugh at things out of my control.
And I do not know? Better if YOU don't know...
~Façade~ is my middle name.
What?! I thought Robert was...?

"'Wonderful' you say? Well that's superb!""I'm so happy for you. How's life other than the writing?"

"The 'show biz'! How's that working out for you? Bloody rich, right?""Oh. I'm thinking of that crackpot Walters! Remember him?"

Lately it just seems to melike we've got the letters A.D.D.branded into our mentalitywe simply can't focus on anything

I'm the catalyst to a mystery novel
Only answering requests not when I feel like it,
but rather when I am allowed.
Haha. Holy snap...Insomnia? Insanity?

Mr. Enslin!
What is the meaning of this?
You're lost?
Confused?
No.
What?
Alright.
I must confess:
I don't know what's going on here.

Can we start over?
I don't even know where to start.

Who I am?

Father, I need you! You're the only one for me. So, why do I constantly let you down? Why can't I just let you reign in me?

I'm so tired of who I've become. I want to change; do I not hate myself enough? What's wrong with me?

Lord, I need you. I need set free. I have no greater desire than to live my life for you. So, . . . . . why don't I?

Who I am hates who I've been.

I wish I could honestly say that about myself:
Who I am hates who I've been.

I know I've said this before. I know I've 'meant' this before. I know. I know.
So, . . . . why Father?
Why do I still let you down?

I will not conform to the standards and morals of this world.
I WILL NOT.

I have made a covenant with my eyes.
I have made a COVENANT with my eyes.

Not even a hint.
Not even a HINT.

Why, Father, why?Why am I a fool?

I need you.
I WANT you.

And after all of my alibis desert me, I just want to get by--I don't want nothing to hurt me. I had no idea where my head was at, But if my heart says I'm sorry can we leave it at that? Because I just want for all of this to end.

I'm sorry for the person I became! I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change... I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again! 'cause who I am hates who I've been. Who I am hates who I've been.

Do I even need a witty title for this one?!

Iway'may "oodgay, oodgay, oodgay otay ogay!"-Areway ouyay? *inkway*

Ouyay atehay emay enwhay Iway earway itway,Iway atehay emay enwhay Iway earway itwayithway ethay itewhay ipesstray ofway eoday.Otay eirthay ebsiteway ouyay ustmay ogay,andway indfay eirthay uitaristgay-osewhay amenay oesday eanmay:"anticipatedway, olyhay, alpay-ikelay olluskmay."Enthay ouyay aymay askway ourselfyay,"Ywhay idday Iway eavelay oneway ogblay otay enterway anotherway?"Andway Iway'llay elltay ouyay:"Ouyay ustmay indfay oneway oremay!"

Ownay ymay iendfray ocatelay,-ifway ouyay illwayEthay eujay ichwhay eceiveddayethay earday omiccay ookbay overlay.Iway oday otnay ishway otay owknay,ethay alsefay etensespray otay ichwhay,Onsieurmay Ailsnay asway ooledfay.Utbay, elay omnay ofway atwhay amegay-asway actuallyway erethay.

Hint 1 = Use datum and go back to your roots. just don't forget to add un cochon
Hint 2 = It's important to note that Halloween is in October. but it's not on the 22nd
Hint 3 = What does Marvel make again? couldn't be comic books could it
Hint 4 = I hear that Eau Claire, Wisconsin has really good hotels. especially one's with good arcades
Hint 5 = "Who you gonna call?" ®1984
Hint 6 = One of these hints is actually fake and written just to throw you off! which one is it
Good Luck!

J'adore la langue français!

Vous voulez un autre blog?
Vous me connaissez… Je fournis!
Mais! –Que dois-j'écris de?
Peut-être un film ou peut-être un jeu de vidéo?
Il y a choix beaucoup!
Oh mon dieu! Pensez… Pensez!
Oh la la! Je l'ai!

Your task is simple:
You've heard it before…
Please, if you will, recount for me
The story of a secluded minute house of logs amgonst a thicket;
To which the proprietor guards the façade.
Only to the luck of a stunted Leporidae,
Does liberate him from the malicious cut-throat.

Please, if you will translate ALL my French rambling. And then solve my riddle and follow its directions. As always there are hints.

Hint 1=Use your brain.
Hint 2=Most specifically (referring to Hint 1) your temporal lobes.
Hint 3="Do this in rememberance of Me."
Hint 4=All these [previous] hints are connected and trying to lead you to the same thing. Don't think too hard... It's not the thinking you need to be doing, but something else!
Hint 5=A singsong voice is required.

Here's a riddle for you...

And now my friends another game,
In which you must take careful aim.
I do this all in good fun,
Just to hear you say, "I won!"

For a clue you may research,
A king whom Brutus slew.
You'll find his surname in the church,
The Gospel Luke, you need look through.

Once you have found his name,
You can solve this blog.
The only thing you need to know,
Is your perfect squares...

INNED**RE*UYN*TPFID**TCO*IL*ITHE*N*YMHAMD*D
TNHENYGTOYEE*AT*OGE*EO*HU**ST*HB*S*SDUTI*
CIAHVOEH.GE**OSHODREIU*I*ACTA*,ADE'*NGADBMO
HRU*VEASBCH*EAENIENIE.**OITG*S*DS*D***TCO**OM
IB**BEASIOOKCIOYCEYBERSO**D,OTD*AGOLGSSLGU
E*D**MLAUOITUVOS*TEWWELN*GNAMETEFH.OAAY*O.

Hint 1-An asterisk (*) denotes a space. For example: I*own*a*blue*dog.
Hint 2-When decoding my message, it is important you include the commas (,), apostertees ('), periods (.), and asterisks (*)!!!
Hint 3-Google is your friend...

My Favorite Movie

Ok. So I'm behind in my blog games. I sincerely apologize... I feel it is my noble duty to supply my peers with these mind games. So the basic topic of this one is my favorite movie. I'll talk about my favorite movie genres and hide clues within the paragraphs... Good luck! The game starts now.
When in Rome, do as the Romans do.
My number one favorite movie genre is horror. When I was younger my brother and his friends would always watch the Halloween and Jason/Friday the 13th movies. I would always sneak in the room and hide behind the couch so I could watch it also. Some of my favorite horrors are: The Saw series, The Grudge, and 13 Ghosts.
"I trust everyone. It's the devil inside them I don't trust."
My second favorite genre is action adventure/spy. I love watching James Bond. I love it when the British secret agent swoops in and saves the day. I also love the intricate plot twists in the Mission:Impossible movies. I give many kudos points to Ian Flemming for creating Mr. Bond, James Bond. I mean James Bond is a world renown fictional spy! Heck I think some state or country should name a capital after him! Capital Ian!
Rome wasn't built in a day.
The third and final genre I'm going to discuss is comedy. Who doesn't like comedy?! It seems like the Hollywood producers have been making some pretty good ones lately too. Just name a few: Austin Powers movies, Taledega Nights, and Nacho Libre. These are all HILARIOUS movies... I mean Austin getting on his mojo, Brother Nacho and his obsession with Luchadores, and Ricky Bobby in his never-ending desire to 'go fast.'
Ok. I very clearly stated the title of my favorite movie within the previous three paragraphs. I'll make it a little easier. The movie title consists of two words. Another hint is that one of the words is in one paragraph and the other word is in a different paragraph. Now its your job to find it. I've also concealed some clues else where... Good luck once again, and happy hunting!!!

My Favorite Characteristic

We did a whole unit in English last semester about this particular character trait. Even though I hated the writers and philosophers we were studying, IiLOVED this characteristic. Henry David Thoreau, HenrynWadsworth Longfellow, and Ralph Waldo Emerson weren't quite my forte,dbut what they called the nation to do was revolutionary. More than that, it wasisocial suicide for these guys. The trait they spoke about was whatvAmerica was in dire need of, and now I believe we need it once again. Throughoutithe various cliques of High School, whatddo you see among the students? I'll give you a little hint: University; Uniform; Carbon Copies. There are too many kids (and adults are guilty of this too sometimes) that are in such need ofulove and kindnessathey'll do whatever it takes! Including being something they're not, or don't truly wish to be. They throw away theirlidentities to fit in, be accepted. Only the truth is the kidsinever truly find the love they yearn for... It's pathetic really; it'ssalways the same. I think I got off topic. But I also think I'm done blogging for now. So I hope you enjoyed! Oh and can you guess what the character trait was??? I left little clues if you can find them...
Try highlighting this whole line.---> Good! You found the first clue. Now think real^hard^and^you'll find the trait in bits and pieces...<--- Whats with this extra space...? m